I heard the squabble start.
It started innocently enough, two of my sons were playing, and a disagreement came up. This is a normal part of my day, and I would dare to say it is a normal part of most days for all mothers. I usually pause for a moment to see if it will escalate to the point I should step in or if they will work it out. We had been out the night before having dinner at a friends and both children involved were a little overtired, so I was guessing an intervention would be needed.
My Man and I are struggling with how to teach our children about conflict. Conflict is part of life, it doesn’t matter if we like it or not, it just is. With children, conflict can be anything from dealing with a bully at school to fighting over who will use the toothpaste first at home. As adults, the type of conflict changes. Most of us don’t fight over toothpaste anymore, but conflict is still there. So, teaching them to deal with it is very important to us. I worry that our world today does not teach healthy conflict resolution. We seem to teach fast resolution, in hopes of making the awkward situation over as quickly as possible. I have seen adults and children alike choose to be silent when hurt or offended, just to avoid conflict.
One thing we have been focused on lately when a conflict comes up, is to not be shy about telling your side. We’ve had a little trouble with one of our sons and a classmate of his. Don’t misunderstand, there is fault on both little boys, but our boy seems to get the bulk of the consequences because he will not defend his side of the story. We have been encouraging him that in life sometimes you have to defend yourself, and sometimes others, but it is important to do with respect and kindness. Like much of parenting, we have no idea if any of what we are saying is understood, practiced, and even heard.
So, as I stood in my kitchen listening to the escalation, trying to judge the best time to step in, the older child screeches with shock and pain. About the time he rounded the corner to seek both comfort and restitution from me, I heard his younger brother shout:
“Mom! I have! The right! To defend myself!!!”
Not exactly what I meant…… Parenting is hard.
HAHAHHAHAHA !